Shelter City roughs

[Dave Charlton]

Hi all,
I have started a new comic book and was really hoping for some critiques. Here are the roughs for the first couple of pages. If anyone has the time to give me some feedback it would be great. Thanks for looking.
Cheers,
Dave

[Dave Charlton]

page 2

[Grumperpants]

I'm not a professional, but it doesn't take a cook to let you know if the soup needs more salt.

Your panel pacing is fantastic, very easy to follow, straight to the point, and visually pleasing.

First glance through, I wasn't quite feeling the smiles on the guard's helmets. However, after a few more glances, it gives a very disjointed feeling to our (assuming) protagonist getting kicked out of the city. You got the body language down perfectly.

My favorite thing about these pieces though, is the fact that the ground/road is very well maintained close to the gate, but shows heavy dilapidation not too far away. From these two pages, it feels as though Shelter City is a very clean and sterile place.

LOVE the doors closing to reveal the title. Your compositional elements are very strong. I'd love to see an inked version. Your lines are very strong. Keep going!

[Dave Charlton]

Wow, thank you so much Grumperpants. I only just saw your feedback (I had given up checking). You made my day. Your comments were really helpful as well as encouraging. It is good to know what works. I will hopefully post some inked and coloured pages soon.
Cheers, Dave

[Dave Charlton]

Good to see the drawingboard up and running again. Thank you. I have inked an coloured those couple of pages you can see them here: http://www.davecharlton.org/repeater/
Any feedback would be great.
Cheers,
Dave

[Vince 2.0]

Love the framing, clean lines, and action. Oh, and not to stir up debate, but I ADORE the helmets. They're hilarious and absurd, especially with him getting kicked in the stomach, and also speaks to the fact that the ideal rarely matches the reality. Plus, they remind me of Lego people, which always scores points in my book. Can't wait to see more!

[Dave Charlton]

Thanks a lot Vince. I am glad you like the helmets. I have a thing for lego. I hope to post some more pages soon. I'm still working on it but in between other jobs, etc...

[Dave Charlton]

Here is a new page. Any tips or criticisms would be appreciated. Also I wanted to point out that I ripped off the panel borders from Preacher. Cheers.

[charles]

Fantastic. The drawing and coloring are just great - love how clean it all is, nice sense of alienation, a bit surreal. The big "emptiness" in the first picture is really nice. Seems like those kinds of things are hard to do well, but this looks wonderful.

[Dave Charlton]

Thanks a lot Charles. I'm glad you like it. The colouring has actually been giving me a bit of grief. It alway ends up looking really flat, but I am learning as I go.