The Adventures Of Monsieur C. - Revised page #01 added

[Jeeva]

First page of a comic I'm working on. C+c greatly appreciated (and needed )...

[Mystic 7]

There's nothing wrong with your page. Your storytelling is simple and effective.

However, I do have a couple questions...and a few suggestions.

1. Is it early morning, mid afternoon or late in the evening? If it's meant to be late in the evening you should adjust your colour palette to accommodate the mood you are trying to set.

2. Is the rabbit meant to look evil? It?s a bit too intense looking for something that is not possessed by a spirit.

I would add extra sound effects ? the crow cawing, etc. It?s usually the sounds of the forest that make a person a bit paranoid.

Regarding your type, white on black is difficult to read. I would reverse it (black type on white), reduce your point size and reposition your title, Helse Kermis. My Dutch is terrible. Does it translate into something like Hell?s Fair?

Please post more work when you?re ready. I like where you?re going and look forward to seeing more.

Peace,
KB

[Jeeva]

Hello Mystic 7,

Thanks for your reaction and suggestions.

1. It's actually the middle of the dat. But it's a dark, overcast day. I was aiming for an 'autumn look'...

2. You're absolutely right about the rabbit. I wasn't really happy with that one myself. I will redo that picture and try to make it a lot cuter...

The person walking through the forest is not paranoid, but enjoying the day and his walk. It also says so in the Dutch text that serves as an intro to the story.

I see what you mean about the white on black text. I am a graphic designer by trade and sometimes get that complaint. I am also, however, a little bit pigheaded sometimes and gonna leave it. It's only gonna be like this in the intro anyway. All the other text is gonnan be regular black on white. I'll see what I can do about the repositioning of the title. But I don't think it's that bad...

You're right about the title. It translates as 'Hell's Fair' or 'Hell's Carnival'...

Thanks again and I'll post the revisions (very) soon.

Randy

[Jeeva]

The revised page...

[Mystic 7]

Much better.

May I suggest using a more organic typeface for the crow's cawing? That face is better suited for a gun shot.

Panel three makes me think that the main character is getting a little nervous. I wish that my Dutch was better...I'd love to be able to read the introduction.

Please continue to post more pages. I'm looking forward to seeing how this story unfolds.

Peace
KB